Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
