I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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