Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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