my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
