Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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