He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Oh god it's open bar.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
