The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
