i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
