everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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