spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
