Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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