The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I FOUND THE LEGS
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
