Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
A+ Viking dick
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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