first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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