ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Everything about him screamed your future.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
