she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you would pick up someone in the library
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
