fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
