I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
