All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
