You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
