In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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