I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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