How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize