Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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