nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
