I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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