I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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