Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
