We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
