I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize