He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize