I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
