The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
