you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
