Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
