For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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