She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
