it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
