how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
