Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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