so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
