I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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