I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize