I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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