i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize