That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
