i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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