He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize