i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
and you fell through a lawn chair
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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