Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
