your room smells of hookers.
And success
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
