A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He shit in the fireplace
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
