ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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