Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
