Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
