Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
