Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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