they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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