I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
