1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
