He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
