I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
