butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
