I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
