Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
