Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
There are leaves in my underwear?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
