I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
