Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize