I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize